100 things to do on a flight that are less insane than “raw dogging”

“Raw dogging” a flight is a vulgar term that’s been trending lately as certain insane lunatics have found it a flex to sit in their airplane seat doing nothing for hours. No entertainment, no eating, no chatting. Just sitting. Looking at the map of the plane on the seat-back screen seems to be allowed.

I literally can’t think of anything worse than wasting hours of flight time with nothingness. I look forward to flight time to get things done or indulge in a relaxing pastime. But if you are one of these mystical weirdos who has a hard time thinking of something — anything! — to do with your inflight time, your days of raw dogging flights are over. I’ve got you covered.

What to do instead of “raw dogging” a flight

Some of the items on this list are absolutely normal and you’ll see people all around you doing them on every single flight you ever take. Join them. Or, if you need to be different, try one of the more unusual ideas. Even the ideas that are annoying, unhealthy or straight-up dangerous are less phychopathic than raw dogging your flight.

1. Work on a laptop. Get ahead at the office. Or work now so you can spend more time goofing off at your destination.
2. Sleep. Brought a travel pillow and sleep mask? Great. But even if you didn’t prepare, try pulling a hood over your head, prop your feet on your carryon, pull out those little wings on your seat headrest, and close your eyes.
3. Listen to podcasts. If you’re a regular podcast listener, your phone has probably already downloaded a few of your favorites.
4. Read a goddamned book. Seriously. Did you not notice all those books being sold at the airport?
5. Knit. Did you know you can bring knitting needles on a plane? The first time my oldest kid flew solo, she and the woman sitting next to her both pulled out their knitting right after takeoff. This gave them something to chat about during the flight as well.
6. Talk to the person sitting next to you. They might hate this. Still less crazy than raw dogging it.
7. Look out the window. This is close to raw dogging the flight, but I maintain it doesn’t count, because looking out the airplane window is doing something.
8. See how many drinks you can order before the flight crew cuts you off.
9. Watch a movie. Southwest adds a few new movies to their in-flight entertainment each month. My favorite is when my outbound flight is toward the end of one month, and my return flight is at the beginning of the next. New movies!
10. Binge a TV show. Another Southwest feature I love is watching Live TV on my laptop. I don’t have cable at home, so I often spend an hour or two of a flight consuming episode after sugary episode of Below Deck, the reality show that follows the crew of a luxury yacht through a charter.
11. Read the in-flight magazine. Ah, I wish I could still do this on Southwest! But they discontinued their magazine in 2020. I even wrote for the magazine once, about a charming pet camel (page 57). But some airlines still have them, including Japan Airlines, Hawaiian Airlines and Lufthansa.
12. Use your drink napkin to compose poetry about the wonder of flight.
13. Study the emergency card. Memorize it. Make fun of it. Point out sections you never noticed before to the person sitting across the aisle from you.
14. Read a guidebook about your destination. Cover to cover.
15. Wipe down everything you can reach with disinfectant wipes. Start with the tray table, but don’t stop there. Get the arm rests, including your neighbors’ arm rests. The window. The wall. The carpet.
16. Use the lavatory. Walk to the one farthest from your seat.
17. Listen to an audiobook. Did you know you can download free audiobooks from Libby using a public library card? You really should have looked into that before your flight.
18. Text everyone in your phone contacts. As a Southwest flyer, of course I’m used to activating the free texting feature as soon as we take off. But they’re not the only airline that offers free texting. JetBlue, Qantas, Alaska Airlines, Delta … lots of them do it now.
19. Use your cell service to browse the internet. What?? Isn’t that dangerous? Maybe. But do you really believe not one of the 200 people on your flight is doing it? I’m not saying this activity isn’t potentially risky. It’s just less insane than raw dogging your flight.
20. Eat the snacks you packed. You didn’t pack snacks? What was your plan if the plane sat on the runway for five hours before takeoff and the flight attendants didn’t offer you anything? Well, think about it next time!
21. Journal.
22. Walk up and down the aisle. If you get stuck behind the beverage cart, follow along and comment on each passenger’s drink order.
23. Empty your personal item onto the tray table and organize the contents. Bonus points if you have something embarrassing in there like a vibrator.
24. Braid your hair. If your hair isn’t long enough, ask someone with longer hair if you can braid theirs.
25. Put on makeup. To make it more interesting, try a new look. If you don’t have makeup with you, try mixing pencil or pen with chapstick. I hear they do that in prison.
26. Ask the flight attendant if they have any newspapers you can read. If they are under 30, helpfully explain what a newspaper is.
27. Sudoku.
28. Buy food and eat it. If the airline doesn’t sell food, stand up and offer to buy food from fellow passengers.
29. Pierce your ears.
30. Write a novel. Haven’t you always wanted to write a book, but you never had time? Right now, you have time.
31. Go through your email on your laptop and respond to every unanswered email. Even emails from 10 years ago. Queue up the responses so they’ll send when you get online.
32. Same as #31, except pay for in-flight internet so you can send your emails right now. Also, you know, use the entire internet.
33. Organize your phone. Delete every app you haven’t used in awhile. Rearrange your apps into groups.
34. Look at the photos on your phone. Remember the good times. If you find a really cute photo of your cat, ring the call button and show it to the flight attendant.
35. Make a toilet paper hat. Like this lady did.
36. Crochet.
37. Make a cootie catcher. Pass it through the crack to the person behind you.
38. Ask someone to switch seats with you. Later, ask them to switch back.
39. Moisturize.
40. Listen to music on your phone or laptop. Use headphones. You’re bored, not a monster.
41. Spill your bag on the floor and crawl around retrieving your items.
42. Put together a Lego set. (Side note: Am I the only person who finds it strange that airports sell Lego sets? I can’t imagine being able to put one together on an airplane tray without dropping and losing some of the bricks. Even as an adult.)
43. Ask to be upgraded to first class. When the FA says no, ask for their best offer.
44. Chair yoga.
45. Draw a self portrait.
46. Do a crossword puzzle.
47. Tell your companion the plot of an entire TV series they have never seen. Because my husband coudln’t handle the intensity of watching Breaking Bad, I told him the story on a trip to France once. I didn’t want to drop spoilers all over Europe, so I spoke quickly and hoped that no one’s English was good enough to follow.
48. Make fart noises with your armpit.
49. Make paper airplanes.
50. Start a blog. Plan the theme, choose a title and write the first five posts.
51. Free up storage space on your phone. Delete unwanted photos and texts.
52. Try to start the wave.
53. Read a magazine other than the inflight magazine, which as previously established probably no longer exists.
54. Make a collage. Tear photos out of your magazine and paste them onto a medium-sized posterboard that you brought with you.
55. Peek through the crack at what the person in front of you is watching on their screen.
56. Look for babies on the plane. See if you can make one laugh.
57. Get someone to play 20 Questions with you.
58. Pretend to make a call on your cell phone. When the FA tells you to put your phone in airplane mode, show them that it already is.
59. Write detailed Yelp reviews of every business you visited on your trip.
60. Make a grocery list.
61. Start a Travel Scrabble tournament.
62. Cough.
63. Find out how much coffee you can drink.
64. Ask if you can use the plane phone to make prank calls.
65. Play with your Nintendo Switch.
66. Sharpen all your pencils. Then sharpen your crayons.
67. Draw a face on your hand. Make it tell jokes or sing opera.
68. Change your clothes.
69. Draw a map of your childhood home.
70. Take photos. The scenery out your window, selfies, or if you want to be creepy, portraits of fellow passengers.
71. Airdrop your new photos to other passengers.
72. Recite poetry.
73. Write down a minute-by-minute plan for your layover.
74. Record a video diary.
75. Give unsolicited advice.
76. Color in a coloring book.
77. Origami.
78. Stand up and get your carryon out of the overhead bin. Open it. Close it. Return it to the overhead bin.
79. Start a political argument.
80. Get high and belligerant. End up restrained with seat belts a la The Wolf of Wall Street.
81. Find out if transister radios work in flight.
82. Ask the FA for a credit card applicaiton and fill it out.
83. Create a word search.
84. Write a speech. Practice it. Ask other passengers for feedback.
85. Ask for extra snacks. Then give them away to other passengers.
86. Teach yourself to juggle.
87. Ask for extra cups. Build a tower. Cry when it topples over.
88. Put ice down your own shirt. Challenge yourself to stay silent.
89. Look for left-behind items in the seat-back pocket and the seat crack.
90. Count the items in your carryon.
91. Design and stitch needlepoint.
92. Write a letter to your favorite childhood teacher.
93. Create a nonprofit organization.
94. Make balloon animals. Refuse to give them to any children who ask.
95. Ask if you can sit in the cockpit with the pilots.
96. Ask someone sitting near you if you can get their autograph. See if you can subtly convince other passengers that they’re a celebrity.
97. Eavesdrop.
98. Duolingo.
99. Plan your calendar for the next six weeks.
100. Sketch out a new garden.

Things that are more insane than “raw dogging” a flight

Even though some of the things on my list of raw dogging alternatives are pretty anti-social, none of them are the worst things you could do on a plane. I would much, much rather see you raw dog your flight than do any of the following:

1. Terrorism. Well, duh.
2. Taking off your socks. Notice the list didn’t include clipping your nails? Nope. Never.
3. Using strong smelling products. No painting your fingernails. (Toenails? See #2.) No hairspray. No putting together models with airplane glue. (That’s not why it’s called that.)
4. Reclining your seat back all the way. Especially during meal service. What are you, a monster?
5. Joining the Mile High Club. Trying to copulate in a tiny airplane bathroom (or under a blanket in your seats) is not the flex you think it is. Don’t be tiresome.
6. Saying the words “raw dogging the flight.” Do you know how disgusting that phrase is? If you don’t, do yourself a favor and don’t find out.

What are your favorite in-flight pastimes? Would you ever try raw dogging the flight? Have you seen anyone do it?